Rose Gold
by planless
Summary: When Sasuke finds Sakura's phone lying in his fridge he just knows it will be one of those days. Who ate all the pickles? Why is Shisui wearing Sakura's sweatpants? Why is Neji texting him and what's that rumor about Sakura being engaged? Follow Sasuke on an epic journey as he slowly unearthes the answers to all those questions! [OS]


**Rose Gold**

* * *

When Sasuke opens the fridge and finds Sakura's phone lying right next to the open jar of pickles, he just knows it's going to be one of those days. Ignoring the flashing light indicating one (or probably a thousand, knowing Sakura) unread messages, he fishes out a carton of milk and some cherry tomatoes before kicking the door shut again. This is not something he is willing to put up with.

So he does his best to clamp down on any and all speculations on how in the hell she can just leave her _freaking phone_ in the fridge (honestly, if he didn't know any better Sasuke would swear the thing is glued to her hand. With super-glue. And a couple of screws for some extra grip). Plopping down on a chair, he pops a tomato into his mouth before unscrewing the milk and drinking straight from the carton. His mother will be pissed, but it is five thirty in the morning. And Saturday. Sasuke doesn't _care._

In fact, he cares so little about anything he completely forgets about the Sakura's-phone-thing until he comes home from work later that evening and his mother shoves it into his face over dinner. "Did you hide Sakura-chan's phone from her again?" she asks, one eyebrow raised as she hands him the rose gold contraption of doom. "Heck no," he snorts into his miso soup. "I've learned my lesson." Humming thoughtfully, Mikoto nods. "I can understand that. It doesn't explain why her phone is in our fridge, though."

Sasuke heaves a heavy sigh. He doesn't even want to know. And neither does he want to imagine the kind of mental disarray Sakura is bound to be in by now. She guards her phone like life itself.

"I'll give it to her tomorrow," he offers tiredly, just to please his mother. He couldn't care less if Sakura ever gets the thing back. It would probably be better if she didn't get her hands on it for another while, actually. Some kind of technological detoxification or something like that. "Naruto and I are meeting up at her place anyways." "Tell her I said hi," Mikoto nods. Then she collects their empty dishes and Sasuke slinks off to his room with Sakura's phone in his pocket.

Actually, he thinks, he might never give it back to her. His day has been blissfully quiet without the constant buzzing of incoming messages. Not that Sakura ever texts him (she does, but not that often). But ever since Naruto has decided to play Battleship with his own BlackBerry and the toilet no two weeks ago he's been using Sakura's to text Sasuke, under her watchful eye of course. Sasuke frowns. Maybe he'll get Naruto a new phone for his birthday - it's coming up anyways.

The mobile in his pocket vibrates, indicating that the battery has just died. (Sasuke can tell by the drawn-out vibration, longer than the two short buzzes that announce a new message. It is a sound that, without failure or exception, heralds a minor to medium mental breakdown, usually followed by either Sakura's frantic scrambling for the nearest plug or digging through her purse for the portable battery.) He drops it onto his desk before plopping down onto the bed where he stares at the ceiling listlessly. Technically, he should study if he ever wants to take over his father's job as head of the police station. _Technically_. With a grunt Sasuke rolls himself off the mattress and scatters some manila folders over his desk, flipping a couple of them open for good measure. Then he heads for the shower, his scholarly deed for the day done. As he stands under the warm spray, water pelting down on his back, he marvels at the fact that this day has turned out so… _okay_.

* * *

The next morning begins much like the one before. After shoving down a week's worth of tomatoes and finishing the milk carton from yesterday, Sasuke drags himself out the front door and over to his car. Fumbling with his keys, he finally jams them into the ignition and, still bleary-eyed, pulls out the driveway and into traffic.  
The first time he thinks that something might be off is when he arrives at the police station. Parking in his usual spot right next to the entrance, Sasuke gets out of the car and immediately frowns at the two young girls that are sitting on the steps leading up to the main doors - Chiyo and Haruki. They are interns, cousins he-doesn't-remember-how-many-times removed, and one of them is currently bawling her eyes out while the other does her best to comfort her despite looking rather glum herself.

Sasuke has half a mind to ask if everything is alright, but then decides it's not worth the trouble because he gets the distinct impression that this is about girl stuff. He can't really tell how he knows. They just give off this… vibe.

So he squeezes past them and into the building, where the next peculiar thing happens.

Uchiha Maia is infamous - not because of her smashing secretarying-skills but rather because she has this annoying habit of assigning each and every person in her life a nickname (usually not the good kind) and flaunting that particular endearment at any given chance. So when Sasuke, head already bent down and shoulders hunched in anticipation of the verbal blow, doesn't hear the usual _Oh my, if it isn't wee Chickenbuttnugget! How are you this fine morning, brat? Eh, what? You're not a morning person? No way!_ he senses that something is amiss. Glancing over to the reception, he can see Maia standing with two other Uchiha, both of them female, both aunts of some degree. Sasuke catches the words _engaged_ , _can't get through,_ and _eloped_. Needless to say, those snippets prove to be rather puzzling, and puzzling is something Sasuke's sleep-deprived mind doesn't need at six in the morning. On a freaking _Sunday_.  
So he merely slinks down the hallway to where they keep the coffee maker, glad to have gotten around Maia's degrading name-calling for once, and gets himself the strongest cup of pure caffeine their rundown machine can manage.

* * *

Work is slow that day - mainly because Sasuke's father has him doing paperwork ( _"Because face it, Sasuke - that's all there is to this position. I don't get why you want this so desperately. Wouldn't you rather become an eye-doctor, like Itachi?"_ ) but also because something has got the whole station buzzing like a beehive on crack.

Something big.

Something unnatural.

Something so utterly scandalous it kicks the Uchiha-rumor-mill into overdrive, until the gears run red-hot and Sasuke gets dizzy from even looking at all his relatives bustling about.

By the time lunch rolls around, Sasuke has decided he wants in on the secret. Not because he is an Uchiha and Uchiha are notoriously nosy - despite their regal behaviour in front of outsiders - but because he is Sasuke and Sasuke simply doesn't like _not knowing things_. So he does the obvious and consults his father.

"Haven't you heard?" Fugaku asks, looking up from the documents he's been browsing to stare at his youngest in surprise. Sasuke frowns. "Heard what?" he asks impatiently. His father's lips twitch upwards in the tiniest smile. "Shisui's engaged."

Sasuke takes the news with a grain of salt. "Shisui? You're sure?" he asks. "He doesn't even have a girlfriend." Fugaku shrugs. "Well, apparently he's got one now." It doesn't take a genius to realise that the Uchiha clan head has got nothing more to say on the matter, so Sasuke hunts down the next-best reliable source - Maia. Since the area just behind the main entrance is his cousin's realm and her realm only, nothing ever goes past her. Also, she's Shisui's cousin thrice removed (unlike Sasuke, who is quintuply removed, which in his opinion still isn't far enough) and therefore likely to know what's going on in the life of the most notorious bachelor the clan has seen ever since Uchiha Madara. (Legend has it their ancestor's wife had to whack him over the head with a frying pan and drag him to the altar while unconscious because he'd much rather frolic around the whole of Japan with one Senju Hashirama than settle down and start a family.)

"Haven't you heard, Nugget?" Maia squeals in excitement once Sasuke has asked his question. "Shisui's engaged!" Sasuke frowns. "I've gathered that much," he says. "What I want to know is to whom." Maia shrugs. "Beats me. But apparently Virginia got himself a girlfriend when none of us were looking."

With a huff, Sasuke turns away to ponder whom to ask next. If his father doesn't know, and neither does Maia, then maybe… yes, Obito might have an idea. It takes a while to track down his elusive uncle, but finally Sasuke has got him cornered. "What's all this jazz about Shisui?" He asks. Obito blinks. "Haven't you heard?" He wheezes out, and Sasuke eases up on the headlock a bit to allow his uncle to speak. "Shisui's -" "Engaged, ya ya, I know that already," he snaps. "What I want to know is to whom."

"I have absolutely no idea," Obito shrugs, the gesture a little awkward because Sasuke has yet to let go. "As far as I know, he's never shown interest in anyone."

"Damn strai-" Sasuke begins, but then freezes. Because there _is_ someone Shisui has been chasing for a while now. "Oh no," he breathes, a heavy weight of foreboding settling deep down in his stomach. "It couldn't…"

Before he even knows it, Sasuke is flying out into the parking lot, past Haruki and Chiyo who are still lamenting (it makes sense now, because they both _adore_ Shisui), and over to his car. After a ride home that might just as well have been the shortest of his life he barrels up the stairs and into his room. _Where's the phone, where's the phone?_

Digging through the files spread out on his desk, Sasuke doesn't care when most of them end up in a haphazard pile on the floor. When he finally unearthes Sakura's phone, he lets out a curse. "The battery," he remembers. Silently thanking the god of phone chargers for standardising them, he plugs the mobile in and waits. The next five minutes are the longest of his life, and he spends them by pacing up and down in his room. _Sakura couldn't… Sakura wouldn't… Never, would she? But she's been kind of hinting… That she might… No way. She wouldn't. But then again -_

The phone screen flickers to life and so do Sasuke's hopes on enlightenment, only to be ruthlessly crushed by two single words.

 **Enter PIN.**

 _Dammit._ Sakura doesn't have a screen-lock (she doesn't _need_ one - the damn thing's in her hand all the time anyways), but apparently the SIM card isn't so willing to part with its secrets as its owner. Dragging a hand over his face, Sasuke contemplates what to do next. _Naruto_. That's it. Because the blond and Sakura are together twenty-four/seven. He's already got his phone out and is halfway through dialling the knucklehead when he remembers Naruto doesn't _have_ a phone at the moment, courtesy to one too many shots of tequila.

 _Well then. All that's left is the good old-fashioned route._

But he never gets that far, because right then his phone vibrates. Frowning, Sasuke flicks on the screen and stares at the text.

 _Neji Hyuga has sent a picture._

Sasuke hesitates - it could be a trap. Another ring. Another, and another. Sasuke stares. Why is the Hyuga spamming him with texts when they have yet to speak a single word ever since the hair-incident?

Hesitantly, he opens up the texts. The picture is of a pair of outrageous sweatpants - hot pink with little black hearts dotted all over them. Sasuke recognises them as Sakura's easily enough and scrolls down to read the messages.

 **Neji Hyuga**

 _Hey sasuke_

 _Hows you? Nejis letting me use his phone_

 _I should really get a new one. My birthdays coming up hinthintnudgenudge_

 _Anyways, check out shisui dattebayo_

 _Hot, ne?_

 _You still coming over to sakura's later?_

Sasuke frowns. Then, with cold dread settling in his stomach, he scrolls back up to look at the image of the sweatpants again. Sure, they are Sakura's alright - but on second look the legs they are on are clearly _not_ hers. For starters, the pants are way too short (but when Sakura wears them she always trips over the hem) and also, the toned calves that are peeking out from beneath the pink fabric are way too hairy.

Sasuke stares.

Then he scowls.

Then he grabs Sakura's phone and marches back through the house and out into the driveway. Within fifteen minutes, he's over at her apartment block and stomping up the stairs (the elevator's given out again). Forgoing the bell next to the door altogether, Sasuke bangs on the wood like Krampus possessed and only stops when it flies open all of a sudden and his fist almost collides with Naruto's face.

"Hey Sasuke!" the blond beams and shuffles to the side to let the Uchiha pass. "Come on in!"

"Where is he?" Sasuke growls, already storming down the hallway, checking the rooms as he goes. _Not in the kitchen, not in the living room, not in the closet_. The door to the bedroom flies open under his vigorous push and slams into the wall.

Neji, who is sitting cross-legged on Sakura's humongous bed, stares at him frostily. Ignoring him, Sasuke stomps over to the one room that is left unchecked - the bathroom.

"Ahhh," Naruto makes as he flits around him and spreads his arms. "You might not want to go in there." Sasuke can feel his left eye twitch. "Naruto…" he begins at a dangerously low voice. The blond pales.  
"S-Sakura-chan," he calls out weakly. "A little help out here?" Sasuke glares at him, prompting the Uzumaki to add a pathetic "Please?"

In the background, Neji lets out a snort.

Then the bathroom door creaks open the _tiniest_ bit and Sakura pokes her head through.  
"Oh, Sasuke-kun," she says, sounding a little less pleased than she should rightfully be. "How nice of you to drop by. Please, make yourself at home!" Then she slams the door shut again. "Sakura," Sasuke growls. Pushing Naruto out of the way, he stalks up to the door and twists the handle. It budges the tiniest bit before a feminine shriek sounds and something heavy throws itself against the other side. _Heavier than Sakura_.

Taking a calming breath, Sasuke decides to take a different strategy. "Sakura, my mother says hi," he calls through the door. After a moment of silence, it opens again and Sakura's pink head reappears. "How nice of her, thank you," she smiles. "Please return the greeting." She looks like she wants to say something else, but then all colour drains from her face and she pulls her head back. "Nonono, get back in there!" she hisses, before peering back at Sasuke through the crack. "Was there anything you needed?" she presses out with a strained smile. Sasuke scowls. "Sakura, who's in there with you?" he asks harshly. "Nobody!" she shrieks before slamming the door shut again.

Sasuke stares for a moment as if by sheer force of will he can get the door to disappear. Then he decides to use his trump card. "Sakura, I've got your phone," he says, pulling the thing from his pocket. Not a moment later a flash of pink barrels right into his chest and the mobile is ripped from his hands. Pushing past her, Sasuke kicks open the bathroom door with perhaps a little too much force and storms in, ready to confront whoever is hiding in there.

He freezes.

He stares.

Then all the fight leaves him and he lets out a dejected sigh.

* * *

The bedsprings creak.

In the bathroom, someone moans.

Someone sniffles.

Sasuke sighs for the fifth time in a minute.

Naruto scratches his cheek.

Neji glares.

"So," Sasuke says, partly for the sake of _saying something_ , partly to drown out the huffing and puffing that's sounding from behind the closed door. "Looks like you finally got your hair in order."  
Neji's glare intensifies tenfold.

"… And it's grown quite a bit," Sasuke tries again.

He feels like the Hyuga is trying to drill holes into his head simply by staring at him.

"He's right, though," Naruto attempts to help, and tugs at one of the strands that are only barely brushing Neji's shoulders. "It _is_ growing back." Neji doesn't answer, but the room temperature seems to drop by ten degrees and they fall silent again.  
Someone coughs.

Then the bathroom door swings open and Shisui shuffles out, clad only in Sakura's hot pink sweatpants. "Oh my god," he whines as he flops down on the bed. "That woman is torture!" "You have to admit, though, it looks a hell of a lot better than before," Naruto says, and prods at one of the angry red lines that is running down the length of Shisui's back.

"Don't touch it!" the Uchiha hisses, slapping his hand away. "It's still sore!" "Right. Sorry."

"Sakura," Sasuke calls out, his patience nearing an end. "Mind telling me what this is all about?" There's a moment of silence, then Sakura slinks into the bedroom, clutching her halfway-charged phone to her chest as if it might protect her from Sasuke's wrath. He lifts a brow at her outfit. The red and black flannel shirt only barely brushes her thighs, and Sasuke is pretty sure that the overknee socks (one black, one grey) are a remnant of her self-discovery phase during high school. He didn't even know she still had them.

"Are you even wearing underwear?" he asks a bit miffed (she shouldn't be prancing around like that in front of the Hyuga. And Shisui. Naruto's okay, because Naruto wouldn't know indecent if it hit him in the face with a brick).

"I managed to salvage some panties," Sakura states dryly and tugs up the hem of her shirt a bit for him to see. Shisui lets out a low whistle. "Damn, Sakura, those are some lacy knickers," he says, only to be hit over the head by Sasuke.

"Ino got them for me on my twenty-third," she shrugs. Naruto nods as if that explains anything - it probably does. Plopping down on the bed between Neji and the blond, she makes herself comfortable, fingers flying over the screen of her phone.

"Thirty-two texts from Ino? Now, that's just excessive," she mumbles, even as she replies to probably all of them on less than a minute. Without tearing her gaze from the screen, a moment later she supplies, "Shisui, Sai wants to know if you're still on for tonight." The Uchiha moans into the mattress. "I don't know… The warpaint's not come off completely…" "Don't worry," Naruto tries to cheer him up. "It's not that bad. He can probably just photoshop it away or something."

Sasuke snaps. "Can anyone please tell me what this is all about?" he growls. "And what's this whole talk about Shisui and Sakura being engaged?"

Four heads swivel his way. " _Engaged?_ " Sakura and Shisui echo simultaneously. Sasuke crosses his arms over his chest. "Yes. The whole clan is talking about it."

Sakura blanches while Shisui perks up in earnest interest. "They are?" "Yes."

"Well, it's not true," Naruto muses, glancing at his pink-haired friend. "I've been with Sakura for the last eighty-three hours, and she hasn't been proposed to even a single time." Sasuke blinks. "Eighty-three hours?" he asks. "Now, that's just excessive," Neji mumbles, and he can't help but agree.

Shisui frowns. "Sakura, when did we get engaged..?" Sakura, who is now busy swiping through her camera roll, slowly shakes her head. "I'd like to know that as well."

"I can probably clear that one up for you," Naruto offers unexpectedly. "Remember when…"

* * *

 _When Shisui wakes up the next day it is to blinding sunlight that is glaring angrily through his open bedroom window. It looks like it's probably late afternoon. With a moan, he buries his face deeper in the pillow and takes a moment to get himself together before carefully taking stock. He's got a splitting headache, feels slightly sick, his sides are sore, and his mouth feels (and tastes) as if something has died in it. He actually feels like staying in bed a bit longer, but it does taste rather disgusting, so he heaves himself up into a sitting position and swings his legs over the side of the bed. Fighting back a sudden rush of nausea, he blinks and rubs at his eyes before stumbling to his feet and out into the next room, from there down the corridor towards the bath. Maybe going out for poker last night wasn't that good of an idea._

 _Still bleary-eyed he stumbles into the shower and almost falls asleep again under the warm spray. By the time he makes it back to his rooms, he feels slightly more awake and, after rummaging through his closet for a fresh change of clothes, also slightly more adequate. A little sigh from behind him has him tense up. Did he bring back someone last night? Turning around and looking at the lump of blankets on his rather spacious couch, Shisui racks his brain for a name, a picture, anything. But no lightbulb goes off above his head, no feeling of enlightenment sweeps through him, and so all that is left for him to do is to carefully sneak up to the couch and ever so gently peel back the blankets. The face that greets him almost has him reel back at first - a_ guy! - _but then Shisui remembers he doesn't swing that way. Feeling a bit calmer, he takes another look and realises that it's Naruto who's currently squishing his face into a dark blue pillow, snoring quietly._

 _Squinting a bit at the Uzumaki's third hand that peeks out from underneath the pillow -_ yup, there's definitely some residual alcohol left - _he thinks that somehow it is too pale to match Naruto's skin tone. Also, the positioning seems to be slightly odd. Running his eyes over long fingers, adorned with rose-gold rings, and a thin wrist, he tries to retrace the position the arm would have to be in and ends up staring at a second, slightly smaller lump that is buried beneath the blankets. He blinks. Did Naruto bring his girlfriend?_

 _Carefully tugging back the blanket, Shisui is met with a mob of pastel pink hair. He rears back when bleary green eyes snap open to stare at him. Stumbling over his own feet, Shisui falls back onto his rear with a quiet 'umph'. Sakura lifts her head to peer at him over Naruto's shoulder._

 _"Shisui?" she croaks, pushing her tangled bangs back with her free hand. He blinks. "The one and only," he manages after another moment of stunned silence. How in the hell did Sakura out of all people end up on his couch? Spooning Uzumaki, to top it off. Apparently, Sakura's having similar thoughts, because after a quick glance around, she asks, "How did we end up here? What happened?"_

 _Shisui shrugs. "Beats me. I only remember heading out for the bar last night." Sakura frowns and carefully disentangles herself from Naruto. "Oh god, my head," she moans. "I'll get you an aspirin," Shisui offers, and dutifully heads for the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. His heart almost stops when he returns and sees Sakura sitting on the floor - in his shirt and sweatpants._

 _"Uh," he manages, but snaps out of it when Sakura squints up at him. Sitting down cross-legged across from her, he hands her the water along with a pill, and she downs it all in three large gulps. "Thanks," she mumbles and, closing her eyes, leans back against the couch. Only Naruto's quiet snoring disturbs the silence, and Shisui takes a moment to study Sakura. There are dark circles under her eyes, circles that are only emphasised by the smudged mascara and eyeliner. Her hair is a tangled dirty mess (is that grass in there?), and she looks officially wasted. He still thinks she's beautiful._

 _"You like rose-gold, don't you?" he asks, taking in the slim rings stacked on her fingers and the finely woven bracelet that dangles around one slender wrist. Sakura hums in agreement. "I do," she says. "Even my phone's -" She stops. "My phone," she repeats with a little frown, then her eyes snap open and fix on Shisui. "Shisui, have you seen my purse?" she asks. Wordlessly, he points at the ground next to her where a grey strap that definitely doesn't belong to any of his bags peeks out from under the couch. "Oh. Thanks."_

 _Sakura begins rooting through the purse, slowly at first. After a while, her movements grow more frantic, and eventually she begins a low chant of, "Nonono, it has to be in here."_

 _"Something the matter?" Shisui asks. Sakura drops her purse in obvious frustration. "My phone's gone," she gasps. Before he can stop her, she's stumbled to her feet and begun throwing blankets and pillows off the couch, slowly unearthing a still slumbering Naruto who mumbles in protest when the chilly air sweeps over him._

 _"It's not here!" Sakura groans, running her hands through her hair. "I can't believe this!" Taking pity on the woman, Shisui offers to help, and together they scour his rooms for the mobile without success._

 _"Oh man." Sakura looks like she's about to start crying any minute now. "Hmmm-wha.. Sakura-chan?" Behind her, Naruto props himself up sleepily on one elbow. "What's the matter?" "I've lost my phone," she sniffles. Naruto frowns. "You sure? I could've sworn you had it yesterday." "I'm sure. We've searched everywhere."_

 _"Maybe you didn't bring it with you?" Shisui suggests from where he's leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. Sakura frowns the same minute Naruto snorts out an "Unlikely. Have you ever_ seen _her with her phone? The fricken thing's glued to her hand."_

 _Squinting up at his pink haired friends, he slowly adds, "Then again, you were a bit shaken. Maybe you really didn't bring it. I remember when you broke up with that old guy - you didn't bring it to the bar back then either because you didn't want him to call you."_

 _Sakura looks unconvinced, but there's a glimmer of hope in her eyes. "Maybe you're right," she mumbles. "I'll go and check right away!" Looking down herself, she blinks, seemingly remembering something. "Umm, Shisui…" He watches as she tugs down the far too large shirt, twisting the hem between her fingers. "Do you have any idea where my clothes are? I haven't seen them anywhere when we were looking for the phone…" Shisui frowns, realising that she's right. "I have no idea," he admits. "But you're welcome to keep the stuff you're wearing."_

 _"Yosh," Naruto makes, and when he heaves himself off the couch Shisui realises he's wearing Uchiha-garb as well. "I'll get you home, Sakura-chan."_

 _"I'll come with you," Shisui offers. "I've got nothing better to do, anyways." "Aren't you hungover at all?" Sakura asks. He cocks his head._

 _"To be honest, I feel like that one time when Sasuke ran me over during one of Itachi's driving lessons. Honestly, that man's a mole. He shouldn't be allowed to even get into a car."_

 _Sakura perks up, clearly interested. "Really? I've always wondered what happened back then. Tell me more?"_

 _Picking up her bag and slinging it over his shoulder, Shisui nods. "Sure. So, Sasuke is sixteen, right? And he's only just gotten his driver's license and isn't really any good with the whole car thing. Anyway, Itachi - dear blind ol' Itachi with his fricken coke-bottle glasses - offers to teach him. But the thing is, he was super annoying the day before, so I maybe sorta may have hid his glasses kind of. And of course Sasuke sees me walking down the sidewalk but Itachi doesn't and so -"_

 _He chatters on as he marches their conga line of three through the house and out the door. Naruto is wheezing with laughter, and Sakura lets out a highly amused giggle as she stuffs her "dirty as fuck" quoteunquote hair beneath a grey beanie she's pulled out of her bag that's still dangling from Shisui's shoulder. Together they amble through the Uchiha district towards the main road where they huddle together at the bus stop._

 _Shisui is still talking animatedly, and Sakura is laughing so hard she doubles over when suddenly one of the rings she's been twisting absentmindedly slips of her finger. "Oh no!" she gasps as it heads straight for the gutter, but Shisui swoops in to save the day._

 _"Got it," he proclaims from where he is crouched precariously on the edge of the curb, hand clutched around her jewellery and only just so keeping his balance._

 _"Here you go, Sakura-chan," he smiles and holds the ring up to her. She laughs at him and clutches her chest. "Thank you, Shisui. That one's my favourite." Next to them, the bus they've been waiting for pulls up and the doors open with a hiss.  
"How can you tell? They all look the same," Naruto complains even as she gingerly accepts the ring and slips it back onto her left ring finger where it comes to sit just behind her first knuckle._

 _"Oh, good morning, auntie Kaia," Shisui says suddenly, rising from his still crouched position. Naruto looks up to see a woman standing in front of them, wide eyes flitting back and forth between Shisui and Sakura. After a moment, she blinks and smiles fondly at her nephew.  
"Good morning, Shisui," she says. "Congratulations! Your parents would be so happy." _

_The three of them share puzzled looks - because let's face it, right now Shisui's not exactly what you'd call a perfect son. His hair's a mess, he looks even more tired than he feels, his shirt is on backwards (how hasn't he noticed that yet?) and he's hungover as fuck._

 _"Uhh, sure, auntie Kaia. Thanks.. I guess?"_

 _They hastily board the bus when the driver glances at them impatiently, leaving the Uchiha woman to wander off, still beaming._

 _The ride to Sakura's apartment block passes quickly, and soon enough they are in her flat, lounging on the comfortable couch._

 _"I'll make us some tea," Sakura offers. But then a fluffy white cat slinks into the room and jumps on her legs and all of a sudden she dumps the animal in Naruto's lap and begins crying.  
"Oi, oi, Sakura-chan, what's the matter?" Shisui almost yelps, clearly panicking. Naruto gets up to quickly lock the cat in the bedroom. When he comes back, Sakura is weeping into Shisui's shoulder and she sounds so heartbroken he can't even be mad at the Uchiha for pulling moves on her when he isn't around. _

_"Oh, Sakura-chan," he sighs as he awkwardly pats her back._

 _She raises her head to eye him blearily._

 _"I wanna get drunk again."_

* * *

The scowl on Sasuke's face is enough to send even Sakura scooting away from him.  
"And why, pray tell, did _Sakura_ stay in _your room, Shisui?_ "

"Ehehe," the older Uchiha begins sheepishly. "That's a good question. I can't really remember myself."

"Well, I suppose I could help," Naruto offers sheepishly, and after a court nod from his best friend resumes his speech.

* * *

 _"Now now, Sakura-chan," Naruto tries his best to comfort his weeping friend. "I'm sure it's not all you make it out to be." "You don't understand," she sobs, and breaks out in another round of tears. "I love him and now - now he's gone." She curls up against his chest when Naruto awkwardly slides an arm around her.  
"Is it really that bad?" he asks carefully and can feel her nod more than he sees it. "Yes," she whispers brokenly. "He was so sweet and lovely and I just…" She breaks off, sobbing, and Naruto awkwardly pats her back. Then an idea strikes him. "You know what, Sakura-chan?" he asks, pushing her off him so he can meet her red-rimmed puffy eyes. "Let's go out tonight, just the two of us. I'll take care of you and you can get completely wasted, alright? Kind of to… Drink to his memory, maybe?"_

 _Sakura sniffles and hiccups. "You know I usually drink responsibly, Naruto," she whispers brokenly. "But I think this might just be your best idea ever." Wiping at her cheeks, she lets out a shaky breath and gives a firm nod. "Alright, let's do it. I'll just go and get dressed, and then we're off."_

* * *

 _No twenty minutes later they find themselves in the most dingy, rundown bar Konoha has to offer (Sakura loves it here because the alcohol is as hard as it is cheap), and Sakura is slamming down money for her first shot of vodka. Naruto feels that maybe she should start off with something lighter, but then again he's not the one who's got a broken heart right now so he doesn't say anything.  
As he watches his best friend down shot after shot, he listens dutifully to her increasingly animated rambling. _

_"Have you heard of Ino's new boyfriend?" she asks at some point. "Quite the catch." Naruto frowns and takes a sip of his water. "Aren't all her beaus?" he asks. Sakura giggles. "True enough," she grins, and raises her hand. Not a minute later the barkeeper hands her another shot of vodka._

 _"Are you trying to get her drunk?" the man asks Naruto gruffly, jerking his chin at Sakura. He shrugs. "Nah. We're doing therapy." The barkeeper nods in understanding. Reaching under the bar, he produces a tall slim bottle and a fresh glass.  
"The good stuff," he tells them. Turning towards Sakura, he adds, "On the house. You seem like you could need it." And Sakura, who usually doesn't like getting things for free because it makes her feel bad, accepts it with a quiet 'thank you'. It only serves to show Naruto how shaken she really is._

 _"Cheers," she says, and knocks back another shot. She shivers, and her mouth twists. "Yeah, that definitely tastes like the good stuff," she nods._

 _"So, how long are we gonna stay here?" Naruto asks, pushing his pink straw around in his glass. Sakura shrugs. "As long as it takes me to get drunk." He thinks that might be a long time yet._

 _Despite being rather petite, Sakura has a higher tolerance for alcohol than anybody he knows, courtesy of the strict training regimen Tsunade put her through when Sakura apprenticed under the doctor (including Beer-Tuesday and Sake-Saturday and the bi-weekly and much dreaded Vodka-Weekend)._

 _"Hey, you," Sakura whispers suddenly, shaking Naruto from his revery. "Isn't that Shisui?" He turns so fast he almost gives himself whiplash. "Where?" he asks, but the question proves redundant when his eyes fall on the lone poker table in the corner of the gloomy room, where a man is currently dancing around his chair in celebration before sweeping all the poker chips into a bag. Naruto falters. "Nevermind, I got 'im," he mumbles. Grabbing his shoulder, Sakura turns him around to face the bar. "Quick, act like we haven't seen him," she hisses._

 _"Don't you like him?" Naruto asks with a frown. "I don't!" Sakura snaps indignantly. "And even if I did, how would you know?" He rolls his eyes._

 _"My failsafe Sasuke-o-meter, Sakura-chan. The more protective and pissy Sasuke gets around you, the more you actually like a guy. Don't try to deny it," he adds, stabbing a finger in her face when she opens her mouth to protest. "Sasuke's always right in this, dattebayo. It's sort of like an inbuilt radar, I think."_

 _Sakura stares at him and all of a sudden deflates visibly. "So what if I like him," she mutters and pours herself another shot. "It's not as if I'd start anything with him. He's a playboy, and he'd never be serious about it."_

 _"You're being unfair, Sakura-chan," Naruto objects with a frown. "He's just a flirtatious guy. And most of it's been directed at you recently, anyways. I think he really likes you." Sakura only snorts into her shot glass. "Whatever," she mumbles. "He's too old."_

 _"Oh, come on," Naruto huffs. "He's thirty-two, and you're twenty-four. That one guy you dated last year was probably around forty or so! You even named your freaking cat after him!"_

 _"Thirty-seven," Sakura grumbles. "And we didn't_ date _per se." "Hogwash," Naruto counters heavily. "Utter rubbish! You went out for about half a year!" "We didn't - not really anyways," Sakura insists, cheeks flushing bright red. "It was more along the lines of… friends with benefits."_

 _Naruto blinks, then a foxy grin appears on his face. "So, you like older men in bed?" he asks slyly. When Sakura's fist comes racing for his head, he is prepared and catches her easily around the wrist. "Ah, Sakura-chan," he giggles. "I never knew you were such a naughty girl."_

 _"Yeah, whatever," she grumbles, tearing her arm free from his grasp. Naruto pokes her cheek in a friendly manner. "But your secret's safe with me. I won't tell," he promises. "You'd better not," Sakura mumbles, then knocks back her drink._

 _They both almost jump out of their skins when someone slides their arms around their shoulders. "Awww, if it isn't my two favourite people," Shisui coos, pulling them in for an awkward hug. "Goddamnit," Sakura mutters, but Naruto sends the Uchiha a happy grin. "Hey, Shisui," he greets, patting the bar stool next to him. "What are you doing here?" "Nothing much," Shisui admits as he slides into the chair. "Sometimes I come here to play poker." Leaning over the counter to wave over the bartender, he allows, "I usually win."_

 _"Yeah, we just saw your little victory dance back there in the corner," Naruto says, scratching his neck sheepishly._

 _"Now, what are you two doing here?" Shisui asks after ordering a Margarita. "Without Sasuke and so?" "Ah," Naruto begins, not really sure whether or not he's about to reveal classified information. "We're just-" "I'm going through a difficult phase of loss," Sakura cuts in, jabbing an elbow into his side in warning. (So the information_ is _classified after all.)_

 _"What did you lose?" "It's not a what, it's a whom," Sakura explains. She sniffles a bit, then pours herself another shot and knocks it back in almost the same motion. Shisui watches her attentively._

 _"How many's she had?" he asks Naruto quietly. The Uzumaki shrugs. "I lost count after about five shots in. But she's almost through the bottle." Sakura, who is now wiping at her eyes_ (please don't let her be crying, please don't let her be crying) _, tips back one last shot before slamming the glass upside down onto the counter. "Knockout, please," she yells at the bartender, who nods. Moments later she's sitting with a dangerously green cocktail in front of her._

 _Shisui pats Naruto on the shoulder. "Are you sure you should let her drink that much?" he asks sceptically. Naruto nods. "It's okay. The plan is to get her drunk so she gets at least some reprieve. I'm staying sober -" he raises his glass, "- so she'll get home alright."_

 _After another Knockout and one Moscow Mule, Sakura looks about ready to fall of her chair. At some point, Shisui's polished off what was left of her bottle ('the good stuff'), and appears rather tipsy himself. Naruto heaves a long-suffering sigh. How unfair._

 _"Hey, Sakura-chan," he begins and prods his friends shoulder lightly. "I think you're way past your limit." Slumped over the bar, Sakura doesn't answer, but Naruto takes the slight movement of her head as a yes anyways._

 _"Are you gonna be alright?" he asks Shisui while he pulls her from the bar stool. The Uchiha merely squints at him, then peers down at his splayed fingers. "I should be," he allows. Then he hiccups and Naruto lets out another sigh.  
The Uchiha clan is known for many things - being powerful, being weirdly conservative and notoriously nosy, and also for their low alcohol tolerance. Naruto thinks it might just be a natural drawback because of their genes - inherent beauty is bound to come with some cut-backs, after all. Now, how do you know an Uchiha is drunk? Easy: they get way more talkative than they usually are. How do you know an Uchiha is well beyond wasted? Even easier: they suffer the hiccups. _

_"Come on," Naruto mutters, and pulls Shisui's arm over his shoulder. "I'm sure Sakura won't mind you crashing on her couch tonight."_

 _"Narutooo," Sakura wails from where she is leaning heavily against his right side. "Please, I don't wanna go home." He frowns at her slurred speech. "Man, this is so bothersome," he mutters with maybe a twinge of jealousy. "I'm never staying sober again."_

 _"We could go over to my house," Shisui offers between hiccups. "It's closer, anyways." Naruto thinks it over for a moment, then nods. "Sounds like a plan."  
"Don't you live with Sa-Sasuke?" Sakura asks suspiciously, peering at Shisui from behind her matted bangs. "Aye, that I do," Shisui nods. "But my room's on the ground floor - and the window's open." "Awesome," Sakura slurs. "We get to break in."_

 _With pain and misery Naruto manages to direct them both out the bar and over to the park. "Naruto? What are we doing here?" his pink haired friend whispers. "We're taking the shortcut, Sakura-chan," he answers indulgently. "Naruto, have I ever told you you have the patience of a saint?" Shisui slurs even as he sags against him. Wrapping both arms around the Uchiha in order to keep him up, Naruto sighs. "Never, but the compliment's appreciated anyway. Now, Sakura-chan, will you be -" A gasp. "Swings!" Sakura squeals, and then shoots off across the park in as straight a line as her drunk state allows. "Sakura-chan!" Naruto calls after her. "Don't go running away, dattebayo!"_

 _"Come and catch me," she laughs, taking off towards the playgrounds. "Oh man," Naruto mumbles, then turns towards Shisui. "Look, I'm really sorry, but between you and Sakura, chances are much higher that something'll happen to_ her. _So…" With that, he lets the Uchiha slide to the ground and runs after his friend. "Sakura-chan!" he calls. "Don't go on the swings, you'll hurt yourself-"_

 _"Naruto, you worry too much," she replies breezily, even as she is perched rather precariously on one of the boards, hands clutching at the chains. "Sakura-chan-" "Just five minutes, okay?" she begs. "Please. Then I promise I'll be good and you can take me home."_

 _"That sounds rather wrong," Shisui hiccups somewhere next to Naruto. When he turns to look at him, he sees that the Uchiha is squinting hard, obviously trying to hold his balance. "Of course you'd take it that way," Sakura hisses angrily. "Get your mind out of the gutter!" Pushing off, she awkwardly begins swinging back and forth. Naruto pinches the bridge of his nose._

 _"Alright, five minutes," he sighs, before walking around her to make sure she doesn't keel over backwards._

 _Shisui looks downright affronted. "My mind's not in the gutter," he wheezes, clutching at his sides. Another hiccup has him jump. "Yeah, sure," Sakura scowls. "You're a playboy! Everybody knows that. You're always after the pretty girls." Shisui stares at her, eyebrows drawn together. "That's not true," he snaps. "How would you know, anyways? Have you been stalking me?" An indignant huff escapes Sakura and her hands clamp down harder on the chain of the swing. "I most certainly have been not! I've got better things to do in my down time than keep tabs on you and your flings!"_

 _"I don't have any flings!" Shisui shoots back harshly between two hiccups. "Oh come on, surely there's some girl out there you've got your eyes on," Sakura scoffs. To Naruto's surprise, the Uchiha tenses at that, then turns away. "Nah. There's nobody," he says. Sakura is silent for a while, and as he watches her roll her shoulders he can just imagine the pensive frown on her face._

 _"But there is," she says after a while with utter conviction. "There is somebody, and you like her." Shisui only shakes his head and clutches at his sides, lips firmly pressed together. Sakura lets out a gleeful laugh. "Aww, you're in love with her! That's adorable."_

 _"It's not," Shisui snaps. "This is no laughing matter!" Sakura keeps rocking back and forth. "She doesn't like you back," she says after a moment of silence in which only the creaking of the swing can be heard. It is not a question but a statement. Shisui keeps his mouth firmly shut, but Sakura is not deterred._

 _"There's gotta be something you can do about it," she prods. "Maybe just show her your good side. I'm sure you have one."_

 _"I've already tried that," Shisui huffs. Apparently, he's given up on trying to resist Sakura in full I'm-drunk-and-I-can-fix-that mode. "But she only ever thinks I'm doing it to get her to sleep with me." "Are you?" Sakura asks bluntly, having lost any and all regard for tact somewhere between her fourth and seventh shot of vodka.  
"No!" Shisui bristles. "I honestly like her, but she doesn't - it's almost like she doesn't want to see it!" Sakura tilts her head. "Maybe you're coming on too strong?" she asks._

 _"And maybe you're in denial!" Shisui snaps unexpectedly. Sakura huffs. "Oh my, I really hope you haven't tried to convince her with_ that _." She kicks her feet a bit harder and, once the swing has reached its highest point, jumps off._

 _"Sakura-chan!" Naruto yells, right as she barrels straight into Shisui, knocking the poor guy clean off his feet. Straddling his hips, she looks down on him, then shoots Naruto a sly glance over her shoulder._

 _"Help me outrun my watchdog here," she grins. "Then maybe I'll be willing to help you with your girl-troubles." "I don't need your help," Shisui grumbles, even as his hands come up to settle high on her hips. A hiccup that has Sakura bounce slightly shakes his body._

 _Naruto's eye twitches._

 _"Help me anyways, Shisui," she purrs in a voice so sultry he almost keels over from shock. Surely that isn't his sweet Sakura-chan talking right there? No, it must be the alcohol._

 _"Sakura-chan, I really should get you home," he says worriedly as he approaches them. In a movement that is definitely too fluid for someone who's well and completely plastered Sakura jumps to her feet and pulls Shisui up with her. "Come on," she laughs. Shisui looks like he's at a loss for words, staring at the pink-haired woman with wide eyes as she grabs his hand and breaks into a sprint. With a surprised yelp Shisui lets himself be tugged along and Naruto throws his hands up in frustration._

 _"Lovesick idiot," he mutters before running after them._

 _"Shisui, Sakura-chan, stop!" he shouts. "Somebody's gonna cry at the end of this, and it ain't gonna be me, dattebayo!"_

 _True enough, it doesn't take long for Sakura to stumble (alcohol does that to your balance, after all) and together she and Shisui roll down a gentle slope. A loud splash is all it takes for Naruto to realise what has just happened, and when he slows to a stop next to the duck pond he only sighs. This is going to be one long night._

* * *

"So you fell into a duck pond," Neji states. His face is clear and his voice is bland, but the way his silvery eyes crinkle around the corners give away just how amused he really is. "And you stayed at the Uchiha's and got engaged -"

" _We did not!"_ Sakura and Shisui exclaim in unison.

"But how did you end up here? In this attire, nonetheless?"

"And _why_ does he have sharpie all over him?" Sasuke adds sharply, pointing at the now faded works of art stretching over Shisui's skin.

"Well," Sakura hedges after a moment of silence. "That part of the story reads as follows…"

* * *

 _Shisui hiccups. And it's not just some teensy-weensy-tiny hiccup. It jerks his whole body and almost makes him fall off the couch. For some reason, Sakura thinks it's hilarious._

 _"Naruto, are you quite done yet?" she calls out when her laughter has ebbed off. "Aww, Sakura-chan," the slurred answer comes back. "I can't get the zipper…"_

 _With a giggle, Sakura takes Shisui by the hand and pulls him into her bedroom. "Alright, let's see what you got," she coos, strides up to the blond who's broad back is turned to her, and in one firm pull yanks the zipper up._

 _Then she takes a step back to look at Naruto who does a flirtatious little twirl. The mint green dress flares out before settling around his narrow hips again. "How'd I look?" he asks, smiling coyly at them. Sakura crosses her arms in front of her chest and frowns._

 _"Hmmm," she makes after a moment's contemplation. "I'd say eight out of then. Shisui?"_

 _The Uchiha in question hiccups and squints at Naruto who's batting his eyelashes at him. "Seven," he announces and hiccups._

 _"Awesome!" Naruto cheers, pumping his fists. "Okay, time for the next outfit! Who's turn is it?"_

 _"Shisui's, I think," Sakura muses. Shisui inclines his head slowly before wobbling over to her wardrobe. Its doors are thrown open wide, all the drawers are pulled open, and its formerly neatly arranged contents look like they've all but exploded across the room, courtesy of an impromptu fashion show._

 _There are shirts and dresses and jeans and skirts everywhere, with the odd piece of underwear thrown in for good measure._

 _Shisui stumbles when his foot catches on a tangle of leggings and is sent crashing headfirst into the wardrobe. "Ugh," he groans, holding his pounding head. He feels sick._

 _Sakura reenters the room, a bottle of beer clutched in her hand, and frowns. "What's happened?" she asks. Naruto, who is perched prettily on her bed, crosses his legs primly at the ankles. "Shisui went flying into the wardrobe. Also, this dress is mad comfortable, Sakura-chan." He fondles the soft fabric lovingly._

 _"Sakura-chan, there's nothing left in here," Shisui announces from the depths of her armoire. With a groan, he pulls himself up into a sitting position and hiccups. His eyes narrow when they fall on Sakura. "Sakura-chan, I don't think you should have any more to drink," he says._

 _Sakura eyes him suspiciously before taking a large gulp of beer. "Don't you go lecturing me, Uchiha, when you're about as drunk as a skunk." Naruto giggles at the rhyme._

 _"No, really, Sakura-chan," Shisui tries again as he struggles to his feet. "You've probably had more than enough." He tries to take the bottle from her, but she dances easily out of his reach and takes another swig. "I mean it!" he tries again, but she evades his hands again._

 _Shisui hiccups. "It's for your own good," he slurs and jumps at her. Sakura lets out a strangled shriek and stumbles back.  
It takes Shisui the better part of a minute to finally catch Sakura. When he wrenches the bottle from her hands, he notes that it is suspiciously light. Peering into its depths with one eye clenched shut, he frowns in confusion. When his gaze meets Sakura's their eyes widen in understanding and they look around the room._

 _There are beer stains everywhere. On all her clothes, on her bed sheets, even on poor Naruto who's howling with laughter._

 _"Argh," Sakura groans and buries her face in her hands. "It'll take_ forever _to get all this cleaned up!"_

 _"Don't - don't worry, Sakura-chan!" Naruto wheezes. "We could just - haha - wash it right now - haha - in one go." He giggles._

 _Sakura blinks, and then a fierce determination lights up her eyes that has Shisui shrink back instinctively. "Alright. You two, gather all the stuff and strip the bed! I'll get a basket… or something of the sort."_

 _They end up piling the entire content of Sakura's wardrobe into two laundry baskets, three plastic bags, one gigantic wok, a suitcase and a travel bag. Then they stack everything into the elevator, giggling madly all the time because, as Naruto points out, this might just be the most gigantic wash-up in history and despite everything, the situation is kind of funny._

 _Once the elevator is full, every available square inch of floor covered with laundry baskets and woks and bags and suitcases, they press the buttons to the basement and send it down while they themselves take the stairs, laughing._

 _Doing the laundry takes up less time than Sakura has originally feared, because they stuff all the available machines full with the beer-soaked goods (nobody in their right mind who isn't drunk as a skunk does their laundry in the middle of the night, so they don't worry), and once the clothes have been through the dryer they begin the tedious task of folding everything up so they won't wrinkle. Naruto and Shisui are eager to help, despite their inebriated state, and soon enough they stack everything back into the elevator and send it up, giggling._

 _Taking their time, they amble up the stairs, and when they reach Sakura's floor press the elevator button to open the doors._

 _Nothing._

 _Naruto frowns and presses again, but the metal slides don't budge. Sakura stares, then groans. "Oh no," she almost cries. "Don't tell me the stupid thing's given out again!"_

 _They try every floor, almost smashing the buttons, even attempt prying open the doors, but nothing works._

 _"Oh no. No no no," Sakura wails. "This can't be. I have nothing to wear._ **Nothing**. _"_

 _"I always thought girls were exaggerating when they said that," Shisui slurs and plops down on her freshly stripped bed.  
Sakura kicks him in the shin. "Get your filthy ass behind off my bed! You reek of alcohol!" Dragging the poor Uchiha into her bathroom, she slams the door shut behind him. "Take a shower! And lose the shirt. I know Naruto spilled his vodka on you."_

 _"But Sakura-chan, whatever shall I wear?" comes his faint wail from behind the door. Sakura thinks for a moment. "Don't worry, I'll find you both something," she sighs. "Just shower, please."_

 _There is a moment of silence, and then the water turns on. Sakura rounds on Naruto who looks at her with wide eyes, still dressed in flaring mint green fabric. "Same goes for you," she grumbles as she points at a beer stain on the dress._

 _Then she stumbles out into the hallway. Tearing open the doors to her closet she digs through the very back and finally emerges with a loud "Aha!"_

 _In her hands, she holds a box that is clearly labelled_ ** _past sins_** _. From it, she pulls a faded checkered shirt and two mismatching socks, along with a_ ** _ridiculously_** _oversized t-shirt in a truly garish yellow that's got several holes in it and a hideous ladybug on the front._

 _She throws the items at Naruto who is struggling to unzip his dress as she walks past the bedroom into the kitchen, where she crawls beneath the table and from under the corner bench drags out her very favourite pair of sweatpants. They are pink with little black hearts on them, and tend to end up in the oddest of places and she'll have to look for them all over the place. She purses her lips in thought._

 _It's true that she'd love to wear them, but she can't exactly let her boys walk around in the nude. While Naruto certainly wouldn't mind because the man's got no understanding of the word 'indecent', Sakura would like to retain her eyesight._

 _With a sigh, a decision is made. After a quick stop in the living room during which she produces an outrageously lacy pair of panties from where she's stuffed it to the very back of her shelves, behind massive medical tomes (the place where most of Ino's presents end up, if she's honest), she drops all her spoils in a heap on the bed and begins sorting through it._

 _"I'm keeping the socks and the button-down," she tells Naruto without even looking at him. He's still trying his best to undo the zipper of the dress, almost popping his arms out their sockets in the process. "You get the ladybug shirt -" she undoes the zipper with one hand. "- and Shisui can have the shorts."_

 _Soon enough, Naruto is perched beside her on the bed in only his orange boxers, and when Shisui pokes his head out the bathroom to ask for permission to leave ("Permission granted, as long as you put these on." She throws the sweatpants at him. "That's the best I could do, sorry.") she shoos the blond knucklehead into the shower. Then it's her turn, and soon after everyone is lying, freshly showered, on her stripped bed in various states of undress.  
"What a fucked-up weekend," Sakura mumbles. Shisui hiccups in agreement. Soon enough, he lets out a deep sigh and then lies still - like, _**_really_** _still. So still that even Sakura who's almost a doctor can't tell if he's still alive so she checks his pulse._

 _"He's really out of it," she tells Naruto quietly. The Uzumaki yawns. "You know I had a bet with him?" he mumbles sleepily. "Oh really?" Sakura asks interestedly as she pulls a sharpie from her nightstand (she always keep a notebook there along with an assorted selection of pens and pencils) and draws a little Uchiha fan on Shisui's bare chest, right over his heart._

 _"Yeah," Naruto sighs, his voice muffled by the pillow. Sakura skilfully draws an Uzumaki-swirl around Shisui's navel. "I bet you could outdrink him."_

 _She's finishes a crude drawing of a fat hamster on his right pectoral (she sniffles a bit at the image, tearing up) before chuckling quietly. "Looks like you won," she says. "What does he owe you?"_

 _Not really caring about tact and manners, Sakura runs the tip of her finger down Shisui's chest, trying to figure out the best place for her next work of art. He grumbles in his sleep and shuffles around, until he is sprawled on his stomach and baring all of his back for her to see.  
Sakura rises an eyebrow in appreciation. It is a rather nice back - with strong shoulders and well defined muscle, and an oh so enticing dip where his spin runs. A perfect canvas._

 _Tongue between her teeth, she gently runs the black felt tip of the marker across his smooth skin and almost misses Naruto's answer.  
"Come again?" she asks, brows puckered up in concentration. It doesn't take long for her to fill out the entirety of Shisui's back.  
"I said," Naruto sighs sleepily. "He promised to do the photoshoot with Sai…" He trails off, and as his quiet snores drift through the room, Sakura only stares down at her very waterproof work of art and _**_regrets_** _._

 _"Fuck."_

* * *

"So you decided to channel your inner artist," Sasuke surmises dryly. "And you also had a fashion show and destroyed your entire wardrobe in the process."  
"We didn't destroy it," Naruto bristles. "We just tried on different outfits and things got a bit… Messy."

Neji sighs. "I wish I could have been there to see it."  
And even if they haven't been on the best terms with each other ever since that one accident involving a lot of zip ties, a flat tire, Neji's glorious hair and a family-sized pack of frozen broccoli, Sasuke actually agrees with the Hyuga.

"You should've texted me," he grouses. "I would have come over to make sure he wouldn't try anything on you."

"Sasuke, I'm not suicidal!" Sakura says disbelievingly. "I'd never wake you up in the middle of the night. Besides, I didn't have my phone."

"Ah, yes. There was that part. Mother wanted to know how it got in the fridge so if you wouldn't mind..?"

"Ahm," Naruto coughs. "Since I doubt Sakura-chan remembers anything from that particular night, I'll be taking over this one. It probably happened like this…."

* * *

 _"I don't have anything to wear," Sakura sniffs, clearly miserable. Shisui hiccups but otherwise keeps his mouth shut._ Very wise, _Naruto thinks dryly. "I'm gonna get you one of his shirts, I'm sure he won't mind," he deadpans and turns away from his shivering friend who is sitting in a puddle on the ground in favour of rooting through Shisui's closet.  
"I'm dripping water all over your floor," Sakura mumbles. "Sorry." "It's okay, Sakura-chan, don't worry," Shisui waves off lightly. "Sakura-chan's my nickname!" Naruto howls from the closet. "Come up with your own!" "Shhhh!" Sakura and Shisui make at the same time. "Do you wanna wake Sasuke up?" Sakura hisses. "Or even worse, Fugaku," Shisui adds._

 _"Whatever," Naruto grouches as he reemerges from the calamity that is Shisui's wardrobe. "Here, put this on," he all but orders and tosses a pair of sweatpants and a dark long-sleeved shirt at her. Sakura purses her lips but doesn't reply. Instead, she gets up and leaves the room. Naruto listens absentmindedly as she pads down the hallway into the bathroom and roots through the drawers to get Shisui something dry to wear. "Here," he says, handing him an outfit similar to Sakura's. "You probably don't wanna get sick either."_

 _Five minutes later Sakura reappears, clutching a bottle of orange juice in one hand and a glass of pickles in the other. "Don't tell me you've got the munchies," Naruto groans. "It's four in the morning!"_

 _"Cot dammit, Elizabeth," Shisui mumbles under his breath._

 _Sakura only purses her lips and looks at him, eyes narrowed. "You can't just go ransacking Mikoto's fridge, Sakura-chan!" Naruto complains. She huffs and tries to unscrew the lid of the pickle jar.  
"I can't open it," she reports after a few moments with an almost childlike simplicity. Naruto crosses his arms over his chest. "I'll do it, Kura-chan," Shisui offers helpfully, taking the jar from her when she nods. "Kura-chan?" Naruto snorts. "What kinda nickname is that?"_

 _"You said I had to come up with my own," Shisui frowns as he unscrews the lid with ease and hands Sakura her snack. "Thank you, Shisui-kun!" she chirps happily before spearing one of the pickles with a fork she's produced from her pocket. While munching she pulls over her purse that somehow has survived the whole lake-incident and takes out her phone._

 _"Ino's asking what were doing," she announces around a mouthful of pickles. "I'm gonna send her a selfie." Lifting the jar, she puffs up her cheeks and poses._

 _"I want in on it!"_

 _"Oh no, you don't," Naruto growls and tackles Shisui who's moving up behind Sakura. They hit the ground with a dull thump. Sakura giggles. "That's awesome," she laughs. "_ _She's gonna love that."_

 _The next minutes are spent with Shisui and Naruto wrestling as quietly as possible while Sakura continues her late-night snack._

 _"I'm tired," she announces eventually. Naruto, who's only just managed to force Shisui into a headlock, looks up. "Do you wanna go home..?" he asks carefully. Sakura shakes her head. "Nah. Maybe I can wake Sasuk-" "You two can stay here," Shisui interrupts. When they both turn to look at him, he shrugs. "You know what Sasuke is like when he wakes up," he says. Naruto nods. "True enough. Do you have a guest bed or something?"_

 _While the boys - or rather, Naruto, since Shisui is too drunk to really be considered helpful - scavenge Shisui's rooms for blankets and extra pillows, Sakura, nose buried in her phone, pads off towards the kitchen to return her snacks to the fridge.  
Naruto throws a furtive glance over his shoulder to make sure she's really gone before turning to Shisui. "You really like her, don't you?" he asks quietly. Shisui blinks lazily. _

_"I guess I do," he admits after two hiccups. Meeting his gaze head-on, Naruto tells him flatly, "Sasuke and I are gonna make you work for her, you know that?"_

 _"I don't think you have any say whatsoever in that area," Shisui slurs as sharply as he can. "Actually, you don't have any say whatsoever in_ any _area of her life." Naruto shakes his head. "We're best friends. We're only watching out for her. She'd do the same for us." "That's really fucked up," Shisui mutters, screwing up his nose._

 _In that moment Sakura enters the room again, clutching the bottle of orange juice with both hands against her chest. "Heya, Sakura-chan," Naruto greets quietly, then frowns. "I thought you were gonna return that." Glancing down at the bottle, Sakura stares at it for a moment before shrugging and putting it down on Shisui's desk. "Whatever."_

* * *

"You actually left your phone when stealing from our fridge? Man, you make a lousy thief."  
"Excuse me," Sakura bristles and pokes Sasuke harshly in the chest. "I was _drunk_ , and nobody woke up! If anything, that's _in favour_ of my sneaking skills!"

Her phone buzzes and immediately she checks the message. "Shisui, Sai says to be over at his place around eight tonight. You think you can manage that?"

Shisui groans and hides his face in a pillow, but nods anyways. "I hate my life…," he mumbles.

Sasuke's eyebrow twitches. "Why'd you agree to that photoshoot anyways? Nobody in their right mind would do that!"

Again, Naruto pipes up. "Ehehe… That might have kinda been my fault…"  
"Really." Sasuke cocks his head in mock-surprise. "Please do tell."

* * *

 _"So, what do you have, Sakura-chan?"_

 _"Well, I think I've still got that bottle of peach schnapps somewhere… And there's an open bottle of vodka in the drawer over there… I guess there's a couple beers in the fridge as well and - oh, that's the wine Tsunade got me for my birthday last year! I'll get us some glasses."_

 _"Hey, Shisui…"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Wanna bet Sakura can outdrink you?"_

 _"Excuse me? Outdrink_ me?"

 _"Are you too much of a chicken?"_

 _"When I win, you won't intervene in my relationship with Sakura."_

 _"Deal._ If _you win. But_ when _you lose, you'll have to do me a favour."_

 _"… What kind of favour?"_

 _"Well, there's this friend of mine who's doing a photoshoot and he's looking for a model, but Sasuke's been absolutely refusing…"_

 _"A photoshoot?"_

 _"Jup."_

 _"What else? Sasuke wouldn't pass up the chance to get some glam-shots taken."_

 _"It's a photoshoot. Scared?"_

 _"You're on, Uzumaki."_

* * *

"Ah," Sasuke makes in understanding. "I see. What I don't see, however," and here he rounds on an unsuspecting Sakura who squeaks in shock and drops her phone onto the mattress.

"Is why you'd lock yourself in the bathroom with _him_."

"Ah, you know how it goes," she begins, blushing brightly. At his icy stare, she withers a bit.

"Alright… It was like this…"

* * *

 _Sakura wakes up to the sound of someone knocking at her door. She groans lightly, squeezing her eyes shut tightly and pressing closer to the warm and ever so comfortable body before her. The arm wrapped around her shoulders tightens and the person stirs a bit, but then their breath evens out again and they lie still once more._

This doesn't smell like Naruto at all _, Sakura notes lazily. Someone is breathing onto her neck, the warm puffs of air sending pleasant tingles down her spine, and suddenly she realises that there's not one, but two persons lying in her bed, sandwiching her in what proves to be a rather comfortable position._

 _The knocking on the door sounds again, louder this time._

 _Sakura groans and with a feeling of regret somehow manages to disentangle herself from the tangled mass of arms and legs. For a moment, all she does is sit there, blinking owlishly at the sleeping faces of Naruto and Shisui (_ ** _whatthefuckohmygodIhopeIdidn'tdoanythingshannaro_** _), then she carefully slips off the bed and throws the covers back over them. She frowns when she notes the sheets are missing. What the fuck?_

 _Tugging at her flannel shirt that covers far too little skin to greet any early visitors with even a shred of dignity, she makes her way to the front door. She takes care to button up the shirt all the way to the top and pulls her over-knee socks as high as they will go before running a hand through her tangled hair and throwing the door open wide._

 _The sight that greets her is one she would not have expected on a Sunday morning._

 _"Neji…?" she asks, confused. But then the smell of freshly baked buns and coffee wafts over and she grabs his hand eagerly. "Come in, come in," she laughs, doing a little victory dance._

 _"Man, I'm so glad you're here. Sunday-morning tutoring lessons are_ the best! _How's Hinata?"_

 _She babbles on as she leads him into the kitchen, and if Neji is surprised at her revealing choice of outfit he doesn't show it. "Hinata's fine," he humours her as he helps her set the table. "I think she's a little homesick though. That internship in Kirigakure seems to be doing wonders for her self-confidence."_

 _"I see," Sakura nods. Plopping down onto the bench, she grabs one of the sweet buns and tears into it, only now realising how hungry she is._

 _"Rough night?" Neji asks curiously. She shrugs. "Can't say I remember, but I don't feel too bad." Her words are somewhat muffled through her mouth full of food and he chuckles._

 _"Ah, I see. By the way, did you know your elevator's given out again?"_

 _Sakura freezes. All the colour drains from her face as suddenly the events of the night come rushing back to her. "Aww, shit," she moans. "My stuff's still in there!"_

 _Neji quirks an eyebrow. "What stuff?"_

 _So Sakura explains to him, and by the time she's finished her little story the corners of Neji's lips are twitching suspiciously. "Have you tried calling the apartment manager?"  
Sakura shakes her head. "He's on holiday, and his replacement is off sick."_

 _"The manufacturer of the elevator?"_

 _"Neji, it was in the middle of the night. And today's Sunday."_

 _"True enough."_

 _The door creaks open and in stumbles a yawning Naruto, dressed in hideous orange boxers and an even more hideous yellow shirt with a big fat ladybug on the front. "Is that coffee I smell?" he rasps. Sakura nods and holds out her cup to him. "Awesome. Thanks, Sakura-chan." He slides in the chair next to her and his still bleary eyes fall on Neji. He squints at him for a minute or two before grinning weakly._

 _"Morning, Hyuga."_

 _Neji inclines his head in greeting. "Good morning, Naruto. How are you feeling?" "Like I got run over by a bus," Naruto groans._

 _"Funny. Sakura doesn't seem affected at all."_

 _They both look at the woman who is currently stuffing her neck with sweet rolls. She looks up when she feels the judgmental weight of their stares on her. "Whaf?" she manages. Neji only shakes his head and Naruto sighs with unrepressed envy._

 _"Yeah, she tends to take alcohol a lot better than the rest of us. You should've seen Uchiha - out like a light. Which reminds me.. Can I borrow your phone?"_

 _Neji frowns, but slides his mobile over the table nonetheless. He notices Sakura eye it longingly, but then she buries her face in her coffee and he shrugs it off. "Uchiha is here?" he asks frostily. Naruto blinks, then shakes his head quickly. "There's one, but it's not Sasuke. It's -"_

 _The door opens for a second time and in stumbles Shisui in all his messy-haired hungover glory. "Ohmygod, I'm dying," he moans, squeezing his eyes shut and massaging his temple.  
For the longest time, everybody stares at him. Then Naruto breaks out into roaring laughter and even Neji can't help a chuckle and Sakura shrieks and is over by his side in a flash.  
"Oh, I'm so sorry," she wails, clutching her hands to her chest. "I don't know what got into me - it's waterproof and you have a photoshoot and this is so terribly impolite I don't even know…"_

 _"Whoa there, Sakura-chan," Shisui huffs, holding up one hand. The rambling stops. "What are you talking about?"  
Mortified, Sakura points at his bare chest. He glances down. _

_Then he says, "Have you ever considered taking up art?"_

* * *

 _"It's okay, Naruto, I remember everything! You don't have to tell me a third time!" Shisui groans. Hunched over at the table, he is busy nursing his massive headache while trying to ward off a babbling Uzumaki at the same time. Sakura is fluttering through the kitchen like a butterfly (one driven by embarrassment and a guilty conscience), bringing him an aspirin, then water, then tea, then dry toast, then an apple, then the newspaper which he promptly uses to whack Naruto over the head. Neji just kind of hovers near the table, highly amused. It is a surreal scene, even more so if you compare the Hyuga's immaculate style with the ruffled appearance of the ragtag group of friends embodying varying degrees of the word 'hungover'._

 _"You know, you don't have to go to the photoshoot," Sakura tries timidly. "I'm sure Sai has already found someone else."_

 _"But I only just texted him and he was elated!" Naruto protests. "Besides, a promise is a promise."_

 _"He's right," Shisui sighs with all the air of a lamb led to the slaughter. "He won the bet fair and square, so I have to uphold my end of the deal. My compliments to Lady Tsunade, by the way. She did a fine job_ _training you up."_

 _Sakura sighs. "Well, then I guess we'd better go and try to get that sharpie off."_

 _The four of them wander off towards the bedroom. Neji and Naruto settle down on the spacious bed that is still lacking its covers while Sakura leads Shisui into the bathroom. For the sake of Naruto and his blood pressure, the door is left wide open so he can chaperone to his heart's content._

 _"Don't you try and pull anything naughty in there, Shisui," he calls in warning when the water is turned on._

 _They are only five minutes into the process of removing the sharpie when there's a knock on the door. Or rather, several knocks, and they are less knocks and more blows._

 _"Ah, that's probably Sasuke," Naruto grins, oblivious to the way Neji's shoulders stiffen all of a sudden. With a panicked shriek, Sakura slams the bathroom door shut. "He's gonna kill me if he sees Shisui!" she complains. "Naruto, you idiot!"  
"He's gonna kill _me _if he sees_ Sakura _," Shisui adds glumly. "Hey, Sakura, maybe we could share a tomb. You know, environmental reasons and all that jazz."_

 _Sakura snorts. "Yeah, sure. Now get back over that tub, you're dripping all over my carpets! Besides, I want to be cremated and scattered over Scotland."_

 _With a roll of his eyes, Naruto jumps off the bed and throws open the front door._

* * *

"And you know the rest," Naruto concludes his tale with a grand flourish of his hands. Sasuke stares, incredulously.  
"Are you sure you're not making that up?" he asks, clearly suspicious. Naruto shakes his head wildly. "I swear. Here -" Stomping over to the wardrobe, he throws open the doors. The inside is empty.

"And here -" he pushes aside the white curtains to reveal empty bottles of alcohol standing on the windowsill.

"That's all fine and dandy, Naruto," Shisui pipes up suddenly. "But don't you two think it's about time you guys told us why Sakura was so distressed in the first place?"

There is a sudden gasp from her, and Sasuke whacks his cousin over the head when she begins tearing up again. Then he wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her into his side.

"It's okay, Sakura. Who is the bastard? Naruto and I will take care of him, I promise."

Sakura's fuzzy white cat that's been napping on the couch in the living room all this time chooses this exact moment to jump onto the bed and climb into Neji's lap. Sakura sobs and points at the animal.

"T-Tobirama-kun," she begins in a shaky voice. Tears are streaming down her face and so she buries it in Sasuke's shoulder. "Tobirama-kun ate Mr. Ham."

Everybody except Naruto stares at her. Now Sasuke feels like crying himself. He's always been rather fond of Mr. Ham, seen as they shared the same love for tomatoes and drawn out naps during daytime.

Neji frowns. "This is Tobirama-kun?" he asks carefully, pointing at the cat. Sakura's head bobs up and down.

"Then who's Mr. Ham?" Shisui asks, clearly confused.

Sasuke and Naruto answer in unison, just as Sakura lets out a wail of despair.

 _"Her hamster."_


End file.
